Bakura and the Big, Fat, Ugly, Boston Terrier
by Kaori
Summary: Errr...how to explain this... Bakura Yami Bakura to you dub monkeys a mutant Boston Terrier silliness


Kaori: Hee…Hiya! This is my first Yugioh fanfic and hopefully it won't my last one. 

Ayamachi: RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! [is smacked with the Millenium Bat (1)] ITAI!! Muse Abuse!!!

Kaori: Quit whining, you earned that one. [to the readers] This fanfic is a parody of an African story called Anansi and the Big Green Moss Covered Rock; hope you enjoy it!

Seto: Kami knows we won't… [is whacked upside the head]

Kaori: SHUT UP KAIBA NO BAKA!!! [shoulders the MB] Jou-kun, disclaimer please.

Jounouchi: [nervously looking at the MB] Kaori does not own Yugioh or its characters. She ain't making any money from this fanfic. In fact, she isn't making any money at all, she's twenty years old and still mooching off of her parents for cryin' out loud!! [is hit with the MB]

Kaori: NOBODY ASKED YOU THAT!!! Besides, I'm in college, I'm allowed to mooch!

Yami: Geez… violent much?

Kaori: [glares at him] Don't make me hit you too. [Yami rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything] Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I am well-aware that Boston terriers are small dogs. The Boston terrier in this story is anything but normal however, and it would behoove you to remember that. As for why I picked a Boston terrier in the first place… I dunno it was the first thing that came to mind [shrugs].

Bakura and the Big Fat Ugly Boston Terrier *THWACK*

By Kaori (assisted by Lin from Idiots Inc.)

WARNING: Character bashing and out of characterness.

Key: *sound effects*

         //thoughts//

Bakura was ticked off, and since Ryou had figured out how to look Bakura out of his soul room, Bakura couldn't take it out on him…yet. Nothing had gone right all week.  His attempts at stealing the Sennen puzzle had all failed miserably and for some odd reason always ended with him headfirst in a trash receptacle of some sort. He had almost gotten caught picking Kaiba's pocket for change for the candy machine two days ago (hey, even evil yamis like chocolate), plus he had a rash on his butt (2). Purposefully he strode to the park, hoping that a change in scenery might help him think of a good revenge plan at least.

When he got to the park it was empty save for the biggest, ugliest Boston terrier he had ever seen; and he'd seen a lot due to being dragged to dog shows by Ryou. Its face was warped like a Picasso painting and the fur was a sickly brown and splotched with big, green spots. One eye was bigger than the other and it seemed to look at everything at once. "Damn." Bakura suddenly found himself saying. "What a big fat ugly Boston terrier…." The last thing he heard was a resounding THWACK and a sharp pain in his head before he blacked out. 

As the tomb robber came to, he was faintly aware of the unmistakable stench of dog breath. "Jounouchi??" He cracked open one eye; the dog was right in his face and panting mockingly at him. "Damn, it's that big, fat, ugly Boston terrier."

*THWACK*

"Owww…." Bakura moaned, as he regained consciousness for the second time in an hour. The dog was still there. Sitting up slowly, he glared at it. The dog just barked once and then just stood there, panting. Bakura scowled and then slowly grinned evilly. //I get it now… Whenever somebody says the words "big fat ugly Boston terrier" they get clobbered. I could use this to my advantage…// "Nice doggy… want to help me make up for this whole rotten week?" The hideous dog just cocked his head to one side and gave a noncommittal whine. "Excellent…"

[insert ominous sounding music here]

Fic Hijacking:  I just thought I'd let you all know that I _could_ have been evil and put a cliffhanger here. Just thought you'd like to know that.

Ayamachi: And now back to your regularly scheduled fanfic.

Seto Kaiba, the richest male in Domino High School and quite possibly the most arrogant jerk in the entire city, was sitting outside a café drinking a double latte with cinnamon and mooning over his defeat by one Yugi Mouto; in other words, business as usual. A low whine made him stop his brooding and turn around.

It was a Boston terrier, but it wasn't like any Boston terrier he'd ever laid eyes on. The ones Seto had seen could, conceivably, be called cute. _This_ Boston terrier looked like someone had pumped it full of steroids and then, unsuccessfully, tried to put through a meat grinder. The dog stared at him, and he suddenly found himself saying, "Damn, what a big, fat, ugly Boston terrier…"

*THWACK*

"Excellent!!" Bakura crowed as he jumped out of the alley. "Good dog! Good dog!" Quickly he searched the fallen CEO for valuables; he ended up with Kaiba's wallet and watch. "Come dog! We have more revenge to obtain!" The dog, followed the deranged yami having nothing better to do at the moment.

The tomb robber wandered through the city streets, ugly dog in tow,  when who should he spot but Jounouchi Katsuya. The tall blonde was standing outside of a store and he appeared to be waiting for somebody. //Hmm… this should be interesting…// the white-haired spirit thought to himself. Out loud he said, "Sic 'em boy." Bakura said to the dog. The dog yawned and waddled towards Jounouchi.

"Eh? What's dis?" Jounouchi looked at the…creature…that was staring up at him. "Freaky…. Hey! Honda!!" he yelled into the store. "Come look at this!" The spike-haired brunette stepped out to see what his friend was yelling about.

"Is that a Boston terrier???" Honda blinked, somewhat repulsed.

"I think it's a Boston terrier." Jounouchi replied, equally if not more disgusted. "What does it want?"

"Search me…" Honda shrugged. "Damn, what a big, fat, ugly, Boston terrier…"

*THWACK*

"Honda are you okay!!" Jounouchi knelt down next to his fallen friend. "Speak to me buddy!"

"…Shizuka's silken thighs…Mmm…" Honda moaned. Jounouchi punched him in the face. "OW!!! What was _that_ for??!!"

"That was for having perverted thoughts about my little sister you creep! Some friend you are!"

While Jounouchi continued to berate his friend, Bakura hurried off with the dog cackling evilly all the while. "I wonder who I'll run into next. This is almost as much fun as sending people to the Shadow Realm!" Suddenly he gasped as the object of his loathing rounded a corner. "The gods smile upon me! This is my chance to get my revenge on the accursed Pharaoh!" Bakura immediately went through his scheme in his head, found no flaw in it, and then sent the deformed dog towards Yami.

Yugi's darker half had spent most of the day just wandering around the city. He had been bored just sitting around the Kame Game Shop and the TV was broken so he couldn't watch it. Idly he looked through the window of a department store when he suddenly got the eerie feeling  that he was being watched. Slowly he turned, and when he didn't see anyone there, he looked down. It was a dog, an incredibly hideous dog. "What the hell is this?" he said aloud. The dog continued to stare at him, Yami stared back.

Twenty minutes later they were still staring at each other. Bakura couldn't take it anymore. "What's wrong with you!" he yelled at Yami as he stomped up the pavement.

"What do you mean?" Yami asked.

"Don't you _see_ it?!"

"What? This thing? I'm looking right at it, baka ne tomb robber."

"Pharaoh no bakayarou!! Don't you have anything you want to say?!"

"Am I supposed to say something?"

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY 'DAMN! WHAT A BIG, FAT, UGLY, BOSTON TERRIER!"

*THWACK*

Yami blinked as Bakura fell flat on his face, unconscious. "Is that what it is?" Yami said cluelessly. The dog just lolled its tongue out. Yami picked up Seto Kaiba's wallet (which had fallen out of Bakura's pocket) and went to find somewhere to spend Seto's money.

~Owari~

1) No it's not another Sennen Item. The Millenium bat is an aluminum bat I used to have with Y2K stenciled on it. Where it is now, I have no idea but I plan to get a new one…

2) Heh, Will Smith lyric.


End file.
